Rearview Mirror 2016

There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.

A chronology of a year of adventures.


January 

• Visit from my Uncle Harold and Cousin Betti Jo
• Divorce finalized
• Found homes for orphan puppies
• Visited friends in Dallas

February

• Esther's dance competition
• Drove Esther and myself to Waco, Austin, then San Antonio for TMEA conference
• Grandparents' Day at Trinity
• Dancing in Dallas

March

• Lost my precious student John David to cancer and was asked to sing at his funeral
• Troupe-in-training performance of Aesop's Fables
• Dancing in Dallas
• Saw Andre Day in concert at the Granada in Dallas with Stephen
• Spent Easter in McAllen visiting Jeff Reedy
• Day at the beach on South Padre

April

• Esther went to prom
• Started my Mary Kay business
• Dancing in Dallas
• Garage sale

May

• Troupe play: Rocket to Rayleen
• Jadan graduated from Panola College with his Associates degree and then Texas Early College High School 
• two friends surprised me with a visit to Marshall: Jeff, then Kim
• Trinity Spring show: Let's Go to the Movies

June

• Interviewed and applied for a job at Fort Worth Christian School 
• Blue Bonnet Bash Swing Dance in Dallas
• Trip to nrh2o waterpark with the kids
• Turned 41
• Taught Troupe camp: Don't Let the Bed Bugs Bite
• Was asked to lead music at Evangelical Presbyterian Church on Father's Day
• Accepted job at Fort Worth Christian School

July

• Celebrated the Fourth of July in Jefferson
• Did lots of packing
• Visited LeTourneau University with Jadan to begin registration for the fall semester
• Taught Art in Motion camp at the Michelson Museum in Marshall
• Taught Troupe camp: The Princess and the Pea
• Esther performed as a fairy in Longview's Artsview production of Peter Pan

August

• Esther and I moved to North Richland Hills to stay with Stephen and Richard
• Started teaching elementary music and high school speech and theater at FWC 
• Moved Jadan into college at LeTourneau in Longview
• Mom and Dad came to visit us and see our new school
• Esther turned 16

September

• Esther's friend Nick came for a visit
• Took a trip to the zoo
• Dancing in Dallas with my Longview swing dance crew
• Enjoyed doggie beach with Dexter at nrh2o waterpark
• Homecoming week at FWC
• Theatre company walked in the parade

October

• Dancing in Longview
• Weekend trip to Marshall
• Esther and I had a wreck in Dallas
• Helped Stephen with his art show in Fort Worth
• Jadan turned 19
• Hiked enchanted rock with Esther and Jeff; visited San Antonio
• Directed 2nd grade musical: Unity Tree
• Trick or treating with the Chapas
• Helped with fall festival for The Well Church

November

• Dancing in Longview
• Weekend visit to Marshall
• Auditions for Peter Pan production
• Quick visit with family in Pflugerville on the way to spend Thanksgiving with the Reedy's in McAllen
• Spent a couple of days at South Padre
• Quick stop in San Antonio on the way home

December

• Troupe performance at FWC: Jingle Jury
• Attended the Texas Thespian Conference in Dallas
• Andra Day in concert at the House of Blues in Dallas
• Saw the new Star Wars movie
• Dancing in Dallas
• Dancing in Longview
• Moved into an apartment
• Christmas

Seekers of Your Heart

A few weeks ago my pastor spoke a word of truth to my heart that I've been wrestling with. This afternoon, I spoke with his lovely wife, a beloved friend and trusted counselor, and that word resurfaced...and now it is something I cannot ignore.



Initially, it was in reference to the parable of the Prodigal Son. I've always loved that story of homecoming and redemption, but to be completely honest, I've never related much to the prodigal personally because in my pride-filled mind, although I fully acknowledge that I am a sinner, I haven't blatantly run off into a rebellious lifestyle. I actually relate more to the brother who stayed home and got huffy when the prodigal returned to be received into open arms. The problem with him was, though he was faithful to his father, it was out of duty, obligation, what was in it for him, and not as an outward expression of his love for his father...that hurt His father as much as the rebellion.



So the question was posed, "Do you love the Father because of who He is or because of what He can do for you?". Do I love Him because I'm a Christian and I'm "supposed to"? Do I love Him only when He gives me blessings or can I love Him during the pain? Do I love the things He does for me or can I be content just to be with Him, not expecting anything in return? Do I really even know who He is, do I know His heart?



My Dad suffered a stroke right before Christmas and has made amazing strides in his recovery. He apologizes to us for not being well, for not being able to do for us what once came easy. Truth is, I don't miss the things he can't do because I am just so grateful for what he means to me and that he is still with us. Its not about what he can do, its about who he is.



God loves me far more than my daddy ever could. He loves me with an unconditional steadfast fierce love that beckons me to know Him, to know His heart. So often I get distracted by His gifts, His action or what sometimes feels like inaction. But what I fail to realize is that all God does for me and in me is because of who He is and how much He cares for me. He wants me to know Him. He wants me to crawl up in His lap and just be happy to be with Him with no expectations, with no wish list. How often have I done this? Not nearly as much as I ought.



The purpose of the Christian life is to become like Christ, to strive after holiness, to emulate the character of God which will draw others to Him. How can I be like Him when I don't know His heart? How can I be like Him by simply knowing what He does and not who He IS?



I find myself so drawn to people of faith, places of faith, workings of faith - while those are blessings,  what I should realize is that in those things, what I am really being drawn to is God Himself. He wants to be my the Love of my Life, the Treasure of my Heart. He wants to have quiet moments of just being with me. He wants my adoration as much as I crave His.



Lord, help me to realize that all I long for is found in You. Thank you for those in my life who point me to You and help me see that my relationship with you should not be based on what You do, but WHO YOU ARE. Thank you for loving me so much that You want my attention, You want to spend time with me, You want me to truly know You and seek Your heart, You want me to fall in love with You.



Seekers of Your Heart



Until we give You first place
Until we let You begin
To fill us with your spirit
Renew us from within
Nothing matters
Nothing's gained
Without your Holy presence
Our lives are lived in vain

Lord we want to know You
Live our lives to show You
All the love we owe You
We're seekers of your heart

Because your heart was broken
Because You saw the need
Because You gave so freely
Because of Calvary
We can now be
Called your own
Completed creations
Filled with You alone



Lord we want to know You
Live our lives to show You
All the love we owe You
We're seekers of your heart




    

A Pearl of Great Price

I have always loved pearls. To me they are a symbol of classic, simplistic beauty. And they just so happen to be the birthstone for June - which is when I was born.


On a choir tour during college we went to Walt Disney's Epcot Center. In the country exhibit for China they had a table full of oysters. Guests could spend $10 to select an oyster and hope for a hidden pearl inside. I remember standing in awe watching as they opened oyster after oyster. Some had pearls, some did not. Of those that did have pearls, some were better than others. To indicate the quality of each pearl found, they would ring a bell - the louder then bell, the more valuable the pearl. I took a calculated risk and handed over my $10, sincerely doubting I would get much of anything. I was tickled to receive a loud peeling of bells as my pearl was discovered. I still have it.

How a pearl is formed is one of God's fascinating mysteries. There is a beautiful lesson here.


No matter how secure the oyster may think its shell is, there is always the possibility that an intrusive irritant can get through. Often the irritant is so painful that it can kill the creature. If the oyster survives, it sets to work dealing with the pain and creating a stunning byproduct.  Instead of ignoring the pain, the creature wraps it up with its spit (essentially)! It painstakingly works to heal the pain in the solitude of its own shell, covering it with a soothing balm. Some oysters work on the same irritant for months, some even years. But when its work gets done - wow, what a treasure!
My dear friend Kim calls me Pearl, because she sees something of value in me. I cherish that nickname and am beginning to see how fitting it is.


I had a very tough shell that I thought was impenetrable, and then, a year ago today, my husband left. Talk about an unanticipated irritant! Over the past year, with much encouragement from family and friends and heavily leaning into the Lord, I have taken the pain and not allowed it to kill me. I have dealt with it and used it to create a more beautiful me.


I am a different person than I was a year ago. My faith and relationship with God has never been more strong or more real. I have REAL friends - people who love me at my highest and lowest, who pray for me and point me toward Jesus. I have strength and resolve and feistiness that I didn't know I had. I know what is important to me, what I want; I am unwilling to settle for less than God's best for my life. I've always been a "people person", but I have discovered that I have a huge capacity for love...I feel it bubble up when I'm with my students, my family, my friends. My life has become an open book, now that it's not "perfect", because I want to help others create a pearl of their own.


The Evil one has tried to thwart my pearl making process. He always seems to hit me when I'm tired, confused or down. But I'm on to him and I'm tired of him throwing doubts and lies my way.


The TRUTH is that I am a daughter of the Most High God Who loves me with an everlasting love. The TRUTH is I am His workmanship created in Christ Jesus to do amazing things. The TRUTH is He will never leave me or forsake me. The TRUTH is He has plans for my future. The TRUTH is He will grant me the desires of my heart as I delight in Him. I am His Pearl.

John David Scrivener

JOHN DAVID SCRIVENER

one of the bravest people I have ever known

 

 

This cute kid has been my buddy for the last seven years. I've known him since he was a baby because I taught his two older sisters, Kathryn and Celia. Then I was privileged to be his music teacher once he started kindergarten. He was always such a quick witted kid - he kept me on my toes and smiling. I will never forget when he came to school on "what I want to be when I grow up" career dress up day when he was in 1st grade. He came dressed as a clown. What a character!

 

(The picture above was taken at an afterschool basketball game. He came to cheer on his big sister Celia and chose to sit by me. Our courtside game commentary had me cracking up!)

 

He enjoyed my music class even though singing wasn't his "thing". He would jokingly roll his eyes when I expected he and his classmates to do schmaltzy choreography - but he would comply to make me happy. In the spring of 2012, when he was in 2nd grade, we were in rehearsals for our end of the year spring show. I vividly remember John David standing on the top row of the risers set up in our gymnasium for the program. He looked at me with wide eyes and his face went pale. I asked him if was ok and he replied that he felt dizzy. I promptly moved him to the bottom row. He didn't want to mess up the standing arrangement, but I assured him that it was ok and that I wanted to make sure he felt secure. He still looked nervous, so I suggested he go get a drink of water and stand on solid ground for a few minutes. His teacher, Mrs. Runyan noticed his distress as well and decided to call his mom because it was so unlike him to complain about anything. His mom came and picked him up and took him to the doctor because he had been complaining about being lightheaded for a while - the assumption was that it was caused by allergies. It was then that a mass in his brain was discovered and his battle against cancer began.  

 

And what a battle he fought! What a tough little warrior! And through it all he maintained his sense of humor and his ability to make people smile. He returned to school when he could, though it was sporadic because of all his treatments and appointments. Bracelets were made and distributed as a reminder to pray for John David. And as a school, we prayed for him every morning. Even the kids that didn't know him learned about him as we lifted his name to the Lord each day during devotions.

 

We love John David

 

In the fall of this year, he had such a good report that the plan was for him to finally be able to come back to school on a semi regular basis. I heard his friends talk about how excited he was about that. Unfortunately, the good report didn't last long and his condition began to worsen. By Christmas, he had lost his voice. 

 

 

Even though he couldn't be with us at school on a regular basis over the last 3 years, he was determined to join us at the annual Christmas concert to sing "Joy to the World", our traditional finale song when I invite any of my former students (usually older siblings to my younger students) to join us on stage and sing along. After he got sick, his entire demeanor about singing had changed - when he sang, it was like watching an angel. This past Christmas was no different, except he had no voice with which to sing. So, his sister Celia figured out how to teach him sign language to Joy to the World. I will never forget that experience as long as I live. I signed along with him and felt the presence of God in a powerful way. I had nearly 200 kids singing on stage, but it was if he and I were the only ones there praising God together.

 

He gave me a thumbs up after it was over.

 

Hospice was called in last week and we were all told that it was just a matter of time before he would be gone. We gathered together during morning devotions and made a prayer circle - teachers and little kindergarteners through junior high students. Lots of voices were raised in prayer. It was beautiful to hear little ones calling out to God. At the end of devotions every day we close by saying, "Go in peace to love and serve the Lord. Thanks be to God", then everyone is dismissed to their classrooms. On Thursday, the benediction was spoken and then nobody moved. We all just stood there, some of us numb, many of us weeping.  That was at 8:30. He spirit left this world and was welcomed into the arms of Jesus around 11:45 that morning.

My friend and art teacher at our school, Jodi Beavers and I worked during the morning hours on decorative pieces that would be used at his funeral. John David loved Disney, so all the students and teachers decorated stars ("When you Wish Upon A Star") to honor him. Jodi and I created a giant Mickey Mouse to help display the stars and it was set up at the funeral chapel. I had a lump in my throat as we worked rather silently on this project. It was so surreal and certainly never something I thought I would ever have to do.

His memorial service was this afternoon. It seemed as if everyone in town was there. The chapel was full, as well as both overflow rooms. My best friend Lori was asked to speak during the service. She taught both Kathryn and Celia and tutored John David during the summers because he had missed so much school. She was nervous and worried that her emotions would hinder her from saying what needed to be said. She felt like she was unworthy to speak about the life of such an amazing little man. I assured her that she had been given that privilege for a reason and that God would use her...and of course, I would pray for her to have courage. Well, lo and behold, we got to the chapel and I was asked to lead the congregation in singing Amazing Grace. I had to accept, of course, but, oh my goodness. I too felt unworthy. Plus I had never sung at any funeral before...much less one of the saddest ones I have ever had to attend. I asked my family and a few friends to pray for me, then I spent some silent time with the Lord. The Bible says when I am weak, He is strong - and its so true. I admitted to God that I was in no way emotionally or mentally prepared to sing a cappella (which leaves little room for error) in front of a crowd that large.  I honestly said, "Lord, here I am. Use my voice as an instrument of Your peace. I cannot do this without You - in fact, I'm at about 2%, so You will have to supply the other 98%. And you know what? He did. I've never heard myself sing that song with better tone and clarity - and I even had sinus issues today. God is good. All the time. And what a honor to be asked to help lead the weary and grieving to a place of worship as we sang about our God who is full of mercy and grace.

This young man is my hero. His short life was full of impact. He lived well and he finished his race. I have never met anyone so brave. He met overwhelming challenges head on, took them in stride,  and managed to maintain his amazing wit and kept a smile on his face.

 

Rest well in the arms of Jesus, John David.

Please be in prayer for the Scrivener family: Jeff, Kim, Kathryn and Celia.

Please pray for his sweet friends and family members who I wept with today.

MK: Marcia Kate

Today is February 29th, otherwise known as "leap day".

I figured today would be as good a day to take a leap of faith, so I did!

I leapt in a direction I would have never expected myself to go:

I became a Mary Kay consultant.

To be honest, when I have thought about Mary Kay in the past I have visualized rosy-cheeked, bouffant-haired old ladies driving around in pink Cadillacs.  I could certainly never picture myself being a powder pusher, but I have recently had an encounter with this company that changed my perspective...so much so that I've signed on!

A friend of mine from college days invited me to come to a facial party to be pampered. I enjoyed the pampering but was worried the pushing and propaganda would soon follow. I did learn a lot about the company, but was in no way interested in signing up for ANYTHING.

Instead of feeling pressured, my friend gently assured me that she had no ulterior motive and just wanted me to enjoy some girl time. She wanted to know how I had been and asked how she could specifically pray for me.

I also observed another guest at the party as we went around the room telling a little about ourselves. She was quiet and unassuming, then she broke into tears as she told us, a room of strangers, that her husband had recently left her after over 20 years of marriage. I could see her insecurities, her self doubt, her worries, her feelings of inadequacy. I could see it because I have been there and, am honestly, still there some days. All of the women were extremely loving and supportive of her. When we began applying make up, she tried on a brighter shade of blush than she was used to using. She hesitated as she looked in the mirror because the truth is, that blush brightened up her whole face and instantly made her look younger and happier. One of the other ladies comment on how beautiful she looked. I noticed her smile at her reflection when she thought no one else was looking. After that, we had snacks and small talk and she was instantly more open to communication and her demeanor was much more light and pleasant.  

God has whispered to me that He wants to use what I've been through, both my illness and my divorce, to help other women. I recently told my mother that I feel like my life is an open book, but its okay because I would rather be honest with people then try to make them think I've got it all together. I have an answer for how I've made it through...His name is Jesus!

I want to help women who feel beat down, unwanted and unworthy to realize that they are loved, they are valued, they are BEAUTIFUL in the eyes of God.

All women want to feel beautiful, but beauty is so much more than cosmetics. I discovered the heart of the Mary Kay company is to empower women and that strikes a chord with my heart. The MK Foundation gives millions of dollars each year to charitable organizations that help women in crisis:

 Here is a list of their donations in 2015:

• Granted 150 domestic violence shelters $20,000 each – a total of $3 million
• Awarded 13 respected doctors and medical scientists $100,000 each in cancer research grants – a total of $1.3 million
• Donated $21,260 to Polaris Project, a nonprofit organization committed to combating human trafficking and modern day slavery
• Donated $421,260 to CancerCare^®, a nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free professional help to people with cancer, for its Touching Hearts program
• Underwrote the Conference on Crimes Against Women held in Dallas, Texas

The prospect of being a part of something like this is exciting to me!

I want my life to be useful and full of impact. I want to help other women see themselves through the eyes of a Savior full of love and full of grace. I want to minister to those that are alone and hurting. I want to be an encourager, a cheerleader for those who feel rejected and help them find their light so they can shine again..and feel beautiful. 

Wanting Wisdom

 

 I bought the bracelet pictured above when I was in Dallas last weekend.

The glass beads are made by a man named Simon out of recycled glass from bottles found in his village in Kenya. I loved buying such an unique piece - especially one with a great story behind it.
There were several different bracelets with varying colored beads and words. I selected WISDOM because I need a reminder to ask for it everyday, and I chose the multi-colored beads to represent the different areas of my life that I specifically need to pray for wisdom

 

 

Wanting wisdom. It is the desire of my heart and it is pressing me on all sides.

I cry out for it because I know I need it.

 

A dear friend of mine has reminded me on several occasions that when I don't know what to do I should ask God for wisdom because that is a prayer He loves to answer.

 

"If you need wisdom, ask our generous God,

and He will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking."

James 1:5

I'm going to be honest, I've been giving God the cold shoulder a little the last couple of weeks. The limbo-esque nature of my life has been getting me down and frustrated and I've been taking it out on Him. He can handle it, but I'm the one who suffers when I do this...I know it, yet I do it anyway. Dumb human. I know He's up to something, but the control freak in me wants to know all the details RIGHT NOW.

 

But, I'm learning that faith doesn't look like that.

Why do I need faith - believing in something I can not see - if I already know what's gonna happen?

 

In an effort to make amends for being huffy, to ease my conscience at least, I made an effort to finish setting up my prayer closet this weekend. I need a quiet retreat, a corner to cry in, a peaceful place to pray. I woke up earlier than my alarm this morning and decided to climb on in there and try it out.

I prayed for friends, I read some devotional thoughts and scripture (a lot of which had something to with waiting on God's provision and trusting in His pace - how timely, and so not coincidental), I also asked for forgiveness and wisdom. I read through a passage of scripture I have posted in that quiet place that has been following me around for the past year:

 

"I pray that from His glorious, unlimited resources He will empower you with inner strength through His Spirit. Then Christ will make His home in your hearts as you trust in Him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. Now all glory to God, who is able, through His mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. Glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen."

Ephesians 3:16-21 

 

I went to church this morning in need of a good word.

 God does not disappoint me when He knows I'm looking and longing for Him.

The opening passage was from Habakkuk 3:17-19:

 

"Even though the fig trees have no blossoms,
    and there are no grapes on the vines;
even though the olive crop fails,
    and the fields lie empty and barren;
even though the flocks die in the fields,
    and the cattle barns are empty,yet I will rejoice in the Lord!
    I will be joyful in the God of my salvation! The Sovereign Lord is my strength!
    He makes me as surefooted as a deer,
    able to tread upon the heights."

 

Even though life is rough and bad things happen - YET I WILL REJOICE!

 

Then Pastor Craig began his sermon (he's STILL in Ecclesiastes, but apparently that's where he needed to be for me to get God's good word today).

 

He started out by stating that true wisdom knows it can't know everything. So as I've prayed for wisdom and gotten ticked at God for not giving me full disclosure, I wasn't being wise, I was being pushy. Some of what God has up His sleeve is hidden for a reason and I shouldn't demand to know it all, because in there is no room for real faith if my future is fully certain. My faith and trust in God doesn't come from certainty and clarity in all the details, it comes from the confidence I place in God that says "I know You've got me. I know what You've told me. I know You've got this".

 

Trusting an unknown future to a known God.

 

For the benediction Pastor Craig read Ephesians 3:16-21,

 the very passage I had read through and meditated on in my closet this morning! 

 I almost chuckled out loud but caught myself because no body but God would get the irony. 

 

And then it all came together. The only wisdom I really need is the knowledge of  how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love is. Because truly understanding the love God has for me will wipe away any uncertainty, any fear, any anxiousness I have about my future. God loves me BIG, He's not going to leave me and He can accomplish infinitely more than I might ask or think.

 

How exciting!

 

 

 

Simple Woman's Daybook

Outside my window...
 

After a week of unseasonably warm weather (even for Texas),
the temperature has cooled off.
The sky is clear and the moon is bright...I'm hoping it won't interfere with my sleep 

 

I am thinking...

about too much, which inevitably turns to worry. Stop it, brain!
 

I am thankful...

for a great weekend. Esther and I went to Dallas to a Swing Dance shindig (Jadan hasn't caught the dance fever yet, so he stayed home and held down the fort). My precious friend Kim, whom I usually stay with when I go to Dallas, wasn't home for us to bunk with, so she booked us a hotel room! Can you even believe that?! Am I blessed or what? The dance was the most fun I have had in a long time. I smiled the whole night. My face was literally as sore as my legs when it was over! :)
We were also able to see my brother Stephen because we met up with him for lunch on Sunday before we headed home. These little excursions I've been taking have been a real blessing. They have been good diversions and  keep me from staying home, feeling sorry for myself, bingeing on Netflix chick-flicks and eating entirely too many cookies.

 

I am wearing...

my PJ pants with doors on them. Esther got these for me a few Christmases ago because
I have a thing for taking pictures of doors. The girl gets me.

 

I am hearing...

clothes tumbling in the dryer.
 

I am creating...

fun lesson plans. I am finally out of show season
 (we've put on three major shows since mid-November),
so now we get to do a lot more playing, dancing and creating.
  

I am going...

to take a big pile of papers over to my accountant friend tomorrow to see if she can help me make heads or tails of my taxes. I've been worrying about it, so its time to turn the angst into action and get it taken care of.

 

I am wondering...

what's next

 

I am reading...

 

Daily Bible reading on my She Reads Truth app

A Year With C.S. Lewis

 

I am hoping...

that I can find a good deal on a new dishwasher. Mine is 14 years old and not acting right. A dishwasher is a luxury I'm willing to pay for right now to make my load a little lighter...I just hope it won't break the bank.

 

I am praying...

 

for wisdom
for my kids
for my Boaz
for my family
for my friends

 

I am learning...

how to snap myself out of a funk. I've been battling emotional and mental funk for the past several weeks. It tries to sneak up on me unaware - usually when I'm hungry, angry, lonely or tired (HALT). Pray is a powerful weapon against the funk. God has been hearing me say, "Lord, these thoughts are yucky and making me crazy. Please wipe them away and help me focus on the good in my life". I'm learning to "stare down the funk" and tell the blues to beat it. Sometimes a few tears of exasperation fall, but I've learned that can even be very cathartic. Onward through the fog...

In my garden...
 

 Look at my little darlings!

 

 



In my kitchen...
 

Mom got us a rotisserie chicken tonight.
She knew today was a long day for me and helped me out.
I am blessed!

A Favorite Verse for today....

 

 

A Favorite Quote for today....

 

 

 

A peek into one of my days...

E & Me ready to swing!

 

 

One of my favorite things...

 

 

My buddies from Longview Swing Dance Association!

 

http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com

Life's A Dance

 

I started taking swing dance lessons in the fall. Dancing is something I've always wanted to do, but I've never had a willing partner. I believe my future Boaz will dance with me, so I figured I had better learn how to do it. And I have discovered that it satisfies me on so many levels. Not only is it really fun and great exercise which produces joy endorphins, but I am making new friends and learning a lot about myself.

 

The instructors, Mike and Shawna, have been so warm and welcoming...and they have noticed my desire to really learn and helped me as I've struggled. My biggest issue is in allowing someone else to lead me. I try to read my lead's mind and "help" him which ends up in me stepping on toes or getting completely off beat.  Mike danced the Lindy Hop with me last week. I just couldn't get it. I was so focused on counting and trying to get my feet just right that I just ended up as a big ball of nerves. Shawna saw how tense I was and got me to loosen up. Then I just closed my eyes and relaxed and let Mike swing me round and round.  

 

During last night's lesson, Shawna worked with me on how to take cues from my lead so I can support him instead of interfere with his plans. My left hand rests on his shoulder, not too tight - no death grip! - but enough for us to be connected and for him to able to lead me where he wants me to go with a simple touch. She said that once I get the hang of it, the leads will be so grateful because they will be able to do so many more cool moves with me because they know I can follow their lead. I don't have to help him, I just need to get in sync with him and let him twirl me around and have fun!

 

So many levels of life lessons here. I love thinking about my life as a dance with God as my partner. He has me in His grip and He will gently lead me if I stay connected to Him and feel the subtle nuances of His touch. The more I struggle to try to "help" Him, the more frustrated I get and we have to start again...and 5,6,5,6,7,8... Oh, to let go and let Him swing me round!

 

I have had to be so strong for so long, it is difficult for me to relax and entrust myself to someone else. I realize I've just got to loosen up and enjoy the journey. Every time I dance, I laugh a lot because of the fumbles and I am always surprised I didn't fall out on the floor! I'm gonna make mistakes, but the key is to keep going and growing, keep things lighthearted and not take myself too seriously.  

Simple Woman's Daybook

Outside my window...

 

I woke up to thunderstorms and had to drive my kids to school through a deluge.
The clouds rolled away and the sunshine brightened the afternoon.
The sunset was beautiful this evening and now the stars are shining in the clear night sky.

 

I am thinking...

about making a check list of all the things I need to do.
My mental list is driving me slightly mad.
 

I am thankful...

for my Mama and Daddy. She fixed dinner for us tonight and allowed me to sit and vent and feel sorry for myself for a while. Both my parents are such strong people who I admire so much and I am so grateful for the strength, encouragement and words of wisdom they freely give. 

 

I am wearing...

Yoga clothes. I actually exercised today. 

 

I am hearing...

Esther playing her ukulele
 

I am creating...

a Grandparents Day program at school this week. The risers, backdrop and sound equipment get set up tomorrow. Rehearsals all this week and then the performance on Friday. I love show time!

 

I am going...

to Swing Dance lessons tomorrow night and then heading to a big Swing shindig in Dallas this weekend. I'm excited that I'm getting to experience fun new things and make some good friends in the process.    

 

I am wondering...

what's next

 

I am reading...

 

Daily Bible reading on my She Reads Truth app

A Year With C.S. Lewis

 

I am hoping...

to get myself in a better routine. There are things that need to get done but by the end of the day, I'm wiped out. I need to work smarter, not harder and prioritize my time.  

 

I am praying...

 

for wisdom
for my kids
for my Boaz

I've been praying for my Boaz, my future husband, since God spoke it into my heart.
I have been so encouraged by A Modern Day Ruth:
http://ruthwaits4boaz.blogspot.com/
https://www.facebook.com/ModernDayRuth
Yesterday she posted about the hundreds of prayers she prayed for her future husband. I found this inspiring, so this has become my prayer for the man God will allow to hold my heart and my hand.
Lord, I ask You to bless him, to cover him, to favor him and strengthen him in his walk with You. Help me not to settle for second best, but to wait patiently on him.
And help me as You mold me into the woman You want me to be.

 

I am learning...

to let things go.

In my garden...
 

 some of my daffodils are beginning to bloom!
I thought I took a picture of the first beautiful bud, but I can't find it.
They were a little beat down my the storm today, but I'll try to get a shot when they perk back up.



In my kitchen...
 

Mom made dinner tonight. :)

A Favorite Verse for today....

 

 

A Favorite Quote for today....

 

 

 

A peek into one of my days...

 

E and Me visiting Magnolia Market in Waco

 

One of my favorite things...

 

 

         

 Chicken enchiladas from Casa Rio on the Riverwalk in San Antonio

 

http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com

San Antonio Sojourn

I just returned home from a 5 day trip down to San Antonio. My daughter accompanied me and we had a great time being together in that beautiful city.

This trip was been planned over a year ago and I have been stressed out over it ever since. I appealed to my school planning committee to amend our calendar so that I would be able to attend the annual conference offered by the Texas Music Educator's Association (TMEA). In my 11 years of teaching at my current school, I have only been able to go three times because of a scheduling conflict. The committee approved my request and I was so excited to get to go again....and then my world turned upside down. My dad and I went together the first time; my husband went with me the second time; who would go with me now?  During our separation I mentioned this upcoming trip to my husband stating that I didn't want to go without him. He said he was sure I could find a dad from my school that would be happy to accompany me. EW. I had to make lodging reservations back in the spring, so I reserved a room that would accommodate my folks, my kids, and myself. We'd just make it a family thing, I thought. Then my Dad had a stroke, and I discovered that my kids weren't going to be able to go because of school and extra-curricular commitments.  I began to really worry about whether or not I would be able to make the trip at all. But my brave grew. I decided I was going to go no matter what. I even contemplated flying down there, but my brave nor my pocketbook were quite that big. At the last minute, Esther decided to go with me. I was relieved and delighted, but also somewhat nervous. I have never driven that far before. More steps of faith were required.

As we set out, I told myself that I was driving to Tyler (a shortish drive which I've made before). From Tyler, I told myself I was driving to the Collin Street Bakery in Corsicana - just a "few" miles up the road. From Corsicana, Waco was the destination. We arrived in Waco and visited the Magnolia Market made famous by the HGTV show "Fixer Upper". Only one leg of the trip left and that was to arrive alive in Pflugerville (a suburb of Austin) where my Aunt Patricia lives. When I pulled up into her driveway, I almost burst into tears. "I drove to Austin", I said in disbelief. The next morning we left for San Antonio, with my brave fully intact. I had no idea where I was going but I had the GPS and a copilot. Upon arriving downtown, there was NO ground level parking to be found, so I had to wind my way up to the top of a parking garage, a pretty huge phobia of mine, but I did it! I got our conference badges at registration, we maneuvered through the enormous conference center. I handled the one way streets and checked us into our hotel (something I have never done on my own before). The next day we wound our way through the city streets, didn't get lost and did it in record time - the estimated 15-20 minute walk was covered in 10 minutes - little legs know how to move! We only slightly got lost in the dark on the Riverwalk, but we did not stay lost, nor did we accidently get murdered. AND, we had a grand and memorable adventure!

I was so worried about the unknown. I was also dreading a flood of any unwelcomed memories. Its sometimes hard to be places or do things that were "special" before. But I'm learning to set my eyes straight ahead and not let places or activities or even holidays (today is the dreaded Valentines - first one I've spent alone in 20 years) be defined or tainted by the past. There are happy memories that can be cherished and remembered, but oh, there are better experiences to be made and much happier times to come. I want to believe it, so I do.  

Simple Woman's Daybook

Outside my window...

 

The wind has been wacky today!

 

I am thinking...

 
about pursuing a knew venture.
 

I am thankful...

to have a friend who will help me with filing my taxes.

 

I am wearing...

jammies

 

I am hearing...

The whistle of a train.
 

I am creating...

a mess in my house. Spring cleaning purge is in effect and I need to get it
 under control and out the door.

 

I am going...

to the TMEA music conference in San Antonio this weekend! I am so excited!
The sessions are such a blast and it gives my creative self a real shot in the arm.   

 

I am wondering...

what's next

 

I am reading...

 

Daily Bible reading on my She Reads Truth app

A Year With C.S. Lewis

 

I am hoping...

 

that I can improve my outlook.
I've been bummed for a few days and I'm tired of it.
I need to shake it off.

 

I am praying...

 

for wisdom
for my kids
for a safe trip

 

I am learning...

about ways to improve my health.

In my garden...
 

 the tulip tree is starting to bud out.



In my kitchen...
 

 I don't want to talk about it.

 

A Favorite Verse  & Quote for today....

 

 

A peek into one of my days...

 

Watson & Hobbes totally relaxing 

 

One of my favorite things...

 

  

              Making cookies             

 

 

http://thesimplewoman.blogspot.com

Beautiful Things

 

 

Thinking back over my day, I noticed a golden thread.

Beauty.

 

I woke up this morning feeling a bit like a rag doll after an exceptionally long day yesterday. I didn't really want to go to church because it would have been so much easier to stay in bed, but I have missed the last couple of Sundays and I was beginning to feel the void. So, I got up and mindlessly got dressed. Then I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I was taken aback for a second because what I saw surprised me. I looked...beautiful. Now that sounds really vain, but if you know me at all, you know that is not my heart. I've never considered myself beautiful. My husband never told me I was beautiful...I was always "cute", which is not what a 5ft tall woman wants to hear. The woman I saw in the mirror today was striking, full of light and beautiful.

 

At church the sermon was from Ecclesiastes 8. Verse one states that

"Wisdom lights up a person’s face".

Wisdom has a positive effect on a person's character and countenance.

The wisdom that comes from God causes a softening and a beauty to emerge.

 

This afternoon an old college friend invited me to receive a free facial. She said she felt like I needed to be pampered and I accepted. In the process of cleansing my face and applying moisturizers I examined my face rather closely. Beauty. Button nose. Beauty. Blue eyes. Beauty. Full lips every ready to smile. Beauty. Freckles; aka angel kisses. Beauty. My friend has a business that helps women feel beautiful. What a ministry.

 

Recognizing true beauty is seeing so much more below the surface and appreciating what you see.

 

The father of lies likes to make us see ourselves in a bad light. Images of "perfection" make us all feel like we're subpar and inadequate. But, today I saw myself in heaven's light. I am beautiful. I am a bride in the eyes of my Groom. God sees His precious child when He sees me, and as all parents can attest, your child is the best looking one on the planet.  

 

Speaking of children, I've been self conscience of my maternal scars from my emergency caesarean sections for all these years. It recently occurred to me that neither one of my children nor I would be here today if not for those scars. Those are scars that brought forth life.

 

I once heard that scars aren't a sign of weakness, they are a sign that whatever it was that left the mark wasn't strong enough to do you in.

 

I know I have scars, both external and internal, but God is the great healer. A wise man once reminded me that God can heal deeper than our wounds. 

 

He can make me new. He makes beautiful things out of us.  

 

 

 

 

Bucket List: In Progress

BUCKET LIST: In Progress

These are things I'm currently working on...



• Taking swing dance lessons. I can't even explain how much I am enjoying doing this. I would seriously dance every day if I could...it makes me so happy! And the group that I am learning with are such great people. The leaders are Christians and so extremely warm and encouraging.
• Journaling. I kept a gratitude journal every day for about five years and then got out of the habit when I got sick a couple of years ago. I'm back in business now and disciplining myself to write down 5 things that help me have a grateful heart. Finding five things a day is sometimes more difficult than one might think, but it really helps keep my perspective on the positive.
• Writing. My friend Jeff Reedy inspired me to start writing every day. He is an amazingly talented writer and said that disciplining himself to write something every day has helped him. Check out his inspirational blog at http://jefe888.blogspot.com
• Reading the Word. I need it, so I gotta read it.
• Prayer.  I need Him, so I gotta pray. I'm finding that my prayer life is changing. It is so much more relational than regimented. He's with me all the time, so when something comes up, we chat. My kids got tickled at me as I drove through Dallas recently because I would say, "Lord, I'm merging, please make a place for me" every time I entered the freeway. And, sure enough, there was always a space. He cares very much about my precious cargo.
• Rest. My tendency is to burn the candle at both ends and I've had to learn the hard way to slow down. When I'm tired, I rest if I am able. Today was a big day. I woke up at 5:30 on a Saturday to take my daughter Esther to a dance competition. We were there from 7:30 until 6:30. I do not consume caffeine for health reasons, but around 2:00, I started to feel REALLY flaky. Esther's team met at a BBQ joint to eat and instead of grabbing a coffee, I stayed in the car and took a nap! Seriously. I'm learning when to say when.  
• My Music. Music is a huge part of my life being a classroom music teacher and piano teacher. I pour a lot of myself into encouraging and fine-tuning (see what I did there?) my students' musical abilities, but I often (always) neglect my own. I've started taking time to practice piano and to pay attention to my voice and care for it as I sing.
• My Home. Cleaning out, simplifying, creating a place of joy, remove that which hinders and embracing the new.
• My Health.  I have every excuse to lay up in the bed and eat an entire box of Girl Scout Cookies, but I'm choosing not to. I've been in survival mode for a while, eating only when I felt like it and then at that point eating whatever I wanted, but that's not healthy and I know it. If I'm going to be on an adventure, my body better be up to the task and in the best shape it can be. I really hate to exercise, but I'm trying.
• Bravery. I'm working on trying new things that are a little outside my comfort zone. Sometimes its little things like getting my first facial (a gift from a friend) tomorrow or figuring out how to do my taxes on my own. Sometimes its scary like driving to San Antonio by myself or speaking the truth. Breathe deep.

I'm a work in progress and God isn't finished with me yet!